Ahh, fall!

Fall is by far my favorite season. Filled with MANY things I love! Especially pumpkins! Pumpkin everything! To include... the pumpkin patch with my two favorite people!

Aren't they beautiful? :) We had so much fun at Mike's Farm! The weather was perfect. And Mackena loved the hayride! But she was in no mood to take pictures. There was way too much going on.

 My sweet girl. Meeting her very first pumpkin.

 I just love those sweet chubby cheeks!

The only thing that could have made the day better would have been having dinner in the restaurant... but a sleepy, hungry baby and a two hour wait does not go hand in hand.

She is a Daddy's girl. And these two are my world.

Sadness fills my heart.

I often have days were I struggle. I have days where all I want to do is cry. Some days I am angry, some days I'm sad, some days I want to ask why...
I can't understand how I can have such an amazing, beautiful, and happy daughter... and my Mom can't be here to enjoy her. My daughter will never meet her Grandmother, and that. Breaks. My. Heart.
I lost my Mama when I was 22 years old. She was 53. She fought an extremely hard battle with breast cancer for five years. Still, I can't figure out why she had to endure so much pain; why she had to be in misery for five years; chemo after chemo, all of the radiation, one surgery after the next, alllll of those horrible procedures... if she was going to lose her life. Lose her battle she fought so hard to win.

Mary, my Mama, was soooo amazing, so selfless. And probably the nicest, kindest, sweetest person I will EVER know. She was my Mom. And she absolutely adored me... her one and only baby girl.
There are so many things I wish I could go back and do over... many things I wish I could apologize for. I hate the amount of regret I live with! I want more time with her. One more hand hold, one more phone call, one more hug, one more kiss, one more girls day together, one more I love you... just to hear her voice... how I miss her sweet voice. She was my best friend.
I never expected I would have to grow up and grow old without my Mother. I always believed she would kick cancer to the curb. It didn't happen. But she fought like hell. She's my hero. And she was the bravest woman I've ever known!
My mom raised me to treat people with respect, to love everyone, not to judge... and to be kind to all things. She was so incredibly nice, she never met a stranger, literally. She sheltered me, spoiled me, babied me... and I'm okay with that. I had a pretty great childhood, and that has a lot to do with her. She made me the woman and mother I am today.

Getting engaged, planning my wedding, getting married, being pregnant, giving birth to Mac, raising Mac... I never thought I would face these things without her. But I did. And I managed. Mostly due to the amazing support from my husband (yeah, he's awesome). It has been extremely hard. It's been almost 3 years...and time does not heal. I do know one thing, having a child has made me open my eyes to the love my mother had for me. I know for a fact the one thing that she wanted was to remain here, with me, to see my life unfold. I can NOT figure out WHY that couldn't happen. I need her here, I need her love, her support, her help... but she's gone. When I make this statement, people ALWAYS say "she's here with you, watching over you" or "she's in your heart." I get that. I know she will always live in my heart, she will always be near, watching over me... but I want her here! In person!!! I wish Mackena had her amazing Granny spoiling her like CRAZY!
I will never stop missing my Mama. I will never go through a single day without thinking of her. I love her so much, and I need her in my life. I need her guidance, still! She's watching over me, I know it, and she's Mackena's guardian angel. I love you, Mama.

"Look up at night and I will tell you, I'm here, beside you, my child. 

With all my love, Your Mom"

I need to...

Welcome to the world of blogging...

I know, I am totally behind. I have finally decided to give this blogging stuff a try! I have NO idea what I am doing. Hopefully I can figure it out. I enjoy writing, I just never have the time to do it. I would like to share our journey. For our family to follow... and for myself; to keep a record of what is going on in our lives!
For the ones who don't know me, I am married to the love of my life! He is my best friend. And I am so thankful he found his way into my life! I am a mom to an amazing little girl who will be a year old next month. She is my heart. I feel like she was born yesterday! Time flies. I stay at home with Mackena. It is the most rewarding job, ever!
I NEVER pictured my life turning out this way. I never thought in a million years that I would be a military wife. Head over heels in love with a Marine. But he stepped back into my life over two years ago...and I wouldn't change a thing. And when I say he stepped back into my life, that is because we grew up together and were good friends throughout school, but we never were more than friends. Until August of 2009. And since then, things have moved rather quickly. I believe he is my soul mate. And now, he is my family. Together, with Mackena! :)