three years ago today...

December 7, 2008 was the worst day of my life thus far.

I can remember every second of that day and it plays continuously in my head like a movie.

I want to say that time makes things easier... but this I have found, is not true.

December 7, 2008 was a day that changed my entire life. 

I lost my best friend.

I lost half of my heart.

I lost myself.

December 7, 2008 feels like it was just yesterday... but seems so long ago.

I'm lost without you.

I need you.

I miss you.

December 7, 2008, I lost my Mama. My amazing Mama.

She was the person that loved me unconditionally.

She knew me like no one in this world.

On December 7, 2008, I had to say goodbye to her. 

There isn't a day that goes by, that I'm not thinking of her.

I'm full of so many emotions, especially on this day.

My heart aches.

If only I could have one more day with her.... 

My angel

I know you're in heaven, watching over me. Over your granddaughter. Over the entire family.

I dream about you often. And sometimes feel you close by.

I am thankful to have so many wonderful memories with you.

I love you so much, Mama. I miss you every second of every day.

Forever loved and forever missed.

Look whooo's ONE!

I cannot believe my sweet Mackena is a big ONE year old! She is beautiful, happy, and most importantly, she's healthy! She amazes me more and more every day. How is it possible that my little bug is becoming a toddler?!

Of course, I wanted Mackena to have an awesome first birthday party! So I started planning early; gathering ideas, shopping on the internet... I wanted it to be perfect! I had to pick a theme. Mackena isn't picky... so we went with OWLS! I put a lot of time and effort into Mackena's special day! With tons of help from Charles. And we decided to go back to our home town for her party so all of our family could celebrate with us. It was great! We had everything ready to go. And then the night before, Mackena had a high fever and became really sick. She was congested and restless. :( My poor baby. Charles and I were so exhausted the day of her party, we couldn't function. So, it didn't go quite the way I planned. We didn't have the time or energy. But her party went on. Without the tissue pom poms Charles worked so hard on, without all of the pretty balloons, we didn't get to play all of the games planned because the prizes we bought were misplaced... there were several details we just couldn't complete. She wasn't her smiley self, but she made it through her party! 

Her banners.

My first attempt at cake pops! Thanks to bakerella, they weren't too difficult with a little practice. I wanted them to  have owl faces, but I'm not that crafty yet.

My dad's famous preacher cookies.

Adorable smash cake and cupcakes were provided by Morgan Leonard.

The sick birthday girl.

Where did the time go?!?

I <3 mason jars.

Poor baby didn't even care about the cake. Of course I wanted to see her tear into it. But she had NO desire. Maybe next year?

We are so thankful to all our family that came. Mackena received sooo many wonderful gifts. Adorable clothes and awesome toys! She mostly enjoyed playing with the cards and the bags. My little girl is getting so big!

Happy birthday, Mackena Grace! Mommy and Daddy love you so much. I wish I could keep you small forever so I could protect you. But that's impossible. I am so thankful you are my baby girl. You have a beautiful soul and I can't wait to see who you become! I will always be here for you. Just remember, when you're a teenager, I'm NOT the enemy! I'm your best friend.